● Singing For Their Supper
Saturday 20th October is "Bunyols de Les Verges" which means "Doughnuts of the Virgins" (and loses more than a little in translation). This Mallorcan tradition sees men courting girls and ladies with serenades. Due to the fact that not everyone can sing (no X Factor delusions here), the suitors often commission bands of musicians to do the singing and wooing on their behalf. The musicians are rewarded with "bunyolas" which are deep-fried fritters made with flour and eggs and smothered in sugar. Delicious! You can almost hear the old arteries hardening around Mallorca that day.

● Glad to be Grey
In the UK it is claimed that pensioners spend more time on the internet than anybody else. Since I am one of those who stare at my laptop screen more than my TV screen, I suppose I can add that to the long list of evidence that I'm getting older. Pass the Werther's.

● Endangered Species
Última Hora, the local Spanish daily, is doing its bit to raise awareness of conservation issues by giving away models of 18 endangered species here in Mallorca.. The first plastic model was an eagle which feasts on fish around Albufera. As a child I loved collecting models and figurines like this. I can't wait for endangered species No. 9: the smiling bus driver.

● Another Biscuit?
Honourable mentions for the best biscuits (see last issue) must go to Jaffa Cakes and Garibaldis. Although probably not technically a biscuit, the Jaffa Cake is too delicious and dunkable to ignore. As a kid we called Garibaldis "dead fly biscuits" due to their high currant content. To this day I can't eat one without thinking about my "follicly challenged" metalwork teacher, Mr. Garry. One day a schoolmate left a packet of . . . well, you can probably finish that story yourself. He was not amused.

● In Gord We Trust
New UK PM Gordon Brown is reported to be considering a national motto much like the French "Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité". The proposed motto would sum up Britain's core values and may even be emblazoned across public buildings and passports. Of the thousands of suggestions from the public so far, here are the best of the less serious:
"Britain: Mustn't Grumble", "Britain: Where the DFS Sale Never Ends", "Britain: Am I Bovvered?", "Britain: May Contain Nuts", "Britain: Obesité, Apathé, Hostilité", "Britain: More Tea Vicar?", "Britain: Smile! You're on CCTV" and "Britain: The Benefits Are Endless".
For sure the motto should be in English which disqualifies the Royal Family's "Dieu et Mon Droit" (French) and my overall favourite "Britain: Yobos et Asbos" (Latin).
I just hope we choose the new motto in a way that reflects our long tradition of democracy and fairness. How about a TV text vote on a premium phone line?

● Forget Profumo
Throughout my youth Blue Peter was a beacon of honesty, decency and sticky back plasticness. The recent revelation that it faked the winner of this year's competition to name the show's new cat was small news in the light of recent TV phone vote irregularities. I still haven´t forgiven them for the biggest scandal of the 60s. Did you know that the original Petra died after just one appearance in 1962 and was replaced by a look-alike? The swap was kept quiet for fear of upsetting younger children.

● New Baggage Cost
In the cut throat world of low cost and no frills airlines it would seem that just about anything is now subject to surcharge at check-in. Reports reach me that a local Alcúdia resident turned up at Manchester airport recently with two kids from her first marriage and her new husband, none of whom were talking to each other. In particular the kids were wracked with guilt and anger about the messy divorce. The party was charged an extra ₤10 each for taking their emotional baggage on board.

● No Time To Lose
If you are sending cards or packages for Christmas by sea mail you should check your local Post Office for last posting dates so they can lose them in time for Christmas.

● And Finally
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

You can contact John Nelson on e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it